Yesterday, we discussed performance evaluation best practices. Here are some worst practices –¬†actual real-life performance review quotes used as evidence in employment litigation (courtesy of Professor Dick Beatty of the University of Michigan Ross School of Business):

  • “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
  • “The gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn’t coming.”
  • “He’s so dense, light bends around him.”
  • “The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.”
  • “He’s got the whole six-pack but lacks the plastic thingy holding it all together.”
  • “Since my last report, the employee reached rock bottom and began to dig.”
  • “He would argue with a signpost.”
  • “If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean.”
  • “Takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.”
  • “If he were any more stupid he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
  • “His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.”

Don’t let this happen to you. Please follow the suggestions we made here yesterday.

Got any performance evaluation nightmares you’d like to share? Feel free to leave a comment below. And for more on this topic, check out this rather interesting item entitled Performance Reviews: Sometimes They’re Like Bad High School Movies.